One in five parents worry their children don’t have friends or don’t have enough friends.
Results from the University of Michigan Health C.S. Mott Children’s Hospital National Poll on Children’s Health found that 90 percent of parents think their children would like to make new friends.
But whilst it’s easy for some children to make new friends, it can be a challenge for others.
“The pandemic had wide-reaching effects on friendships, particularly for younger children. Given that friendship formation is a key component of childhood development, many children in elementary and middle school continue to suffer from the pandemic’s disruption of normal interpersonal and social development. The social skills that children would have naturally learned and honed weren’t accrued at the expected developmental stages. Early life friendships—which tend to rely on building skills in settings that offer active in-person connection with peers—have suffered as a result, ” Dr Carla Marie Manly, a clinical psychologist based in California, told Theravive.
“In addition, our reliance on technology for interpersonal communication has also negatively impacted friendships. Although technology can sure foster connection in some realms, the lack of face-to-face communication—and the often heavy reliance of short-form texting—can diminish the quality and quantity of friendships. Unfortunately, the findings of the study are not surprising as many of my clients are concerned that their children don’t have healthy friendships.”
The poll is based on responses from just over 1000 parents of children aged six to 12. They were surveyed in August of 2024.
More than half of parents polled said there was at least one factor that makes it difficult for their child to make a new friend.
15% said that their child’s challenges with friendships came from other children being mean. Roughly one in five said that being socially awkward or shy was a factor in their children struggling to make friends.
Less than 10% said their child’s disability or medical condition make friendship making difficult.
The parents of older children were more likely than parents of young children to report their child’s difficulties making friends was related to other children already having friendship groups, or having too few places where the children could gather.
Three quarters of parents polled said they had taken steps to help their child make new friends.
“It’s important for parents to—first and foremost—model healthy interpersonal skills. Children tend to absorb the patterns modeled by their parents, so parents who have healthy interpersonal relationships will tend to foster those patterns in their children. For those parents who realize that their own friendships might not be very healthy, it’s never too late to work on—and model—healthy, caring relationships. Parents who are concerned about their child’s friendships often fare better when they use gentle open-ended questions to talk to their child. For example, a parent might say, “How are you feeling about your friendships at school?” or “Who do you eat lunch with at school?” When parents learn to make space for their child’s responses, they often learn quite a lot about the child’s core feelings and needs,” Manly said.
“Parents can support their children by tuning into what the child really wants and needs. This might be more friendships at school, friendships through extracurricular school activities, or friendships in a non-school environment such as dance, 4-H, or Scouts. Parents who lean into a child’s natural curiosities—and help them discover new arenas—often help them build lasting friendships based on mutual interests. As well, parents can gently work with their children on friendship-building skills such as empathy, listening, conflict resolution, and healthy boundaries. These skills—often not taught in schools—are essential for building both self-esteem and healthy friendships.”
She says that friendships that are healthy are essential for mental health. When it comes to making friends, she suggests it’s important to focus on the quality rather than the quantity.
“Healthy friendships are vital for mental health. Research shows that it’s the quality—not the quantity—of our friendships that support overall well-being. Especially for younger children whose sense of identity is “under construction,” healthy friendships offer a vital sense of inclusion that fosters safety and security. Children who feel isolated due to a lack of friendships often suffer from feelings of anxiety, depression, and worthlessness,” she said.
“Sadly, these feelings can persist well past childhood and cause significant mental heath issues in adulthood. Healthy early life friendships are particularly important as they offer a safety net for children to experiment, learn, and grow on intrapersonal and interpersonal levels. Without such relationships as a foundation in early life and beyond, psychological and physical health can be negatively impacted.”