Each holiday season practically demands that we fill our stockings with candy. With teeny-tiny beauty products. With trinkets that are fun, cute, and occasionally useful — but rarely worth coveting. What if—and hear me out on this one — we disregarded this age-old advice and went all in on sex toy stocking stuffers, instead?
Now, I’m not suggesting that you stick a full-blown rabbit vibrator into your stocking, or that you load up on the largest dildos you can find. (That said, if you feel compelled to do this, by all means, please do!) I’m merely pointing out that a lot of sex toys are conveniently stocking-sized — hell, some are pocket-sized. These toys could easily be concealed in a standard stocking. In fact, you could probably stuff a few in there.
Rest assured knowing virtually every sex toy on the market is available in a stocking-friendly variation. Want a miniature rabbit vibrator? You got it. Want a smaller take on the classic wand? Taken care of. Want a new clitoral vibrator, or a bullet vibrator, or one of those penetrative vibes that comes with a remote control? All of these (and more) are available in an appropriate size — and at a generally affordable price point, too.
So why limit yourself to nail polishes in shades you’ll never wear? Or candy you don’t really want to eat? Or picture frames that are too damn tiny to shove actual photos into anyway? There are too many fun-sized sex toys in this world for you to continue settling on these unnecessary baubles. You don’t have to forgo them entirely; treat yourself to the teeny-weeny stuff you actually want. Then, treat yourself to the teeny-weeny sex toys you actually want, too.
A version of this story was published December 2019.