Several years ago, not long after we welcomed a puppy into the family, my shoulder became stiff and sore. It quickly morphed into frozen shoulder, a condition that commonly strikes women in their 40s and can be triggered by repetitive strain. I assumed it was from the dog constantly pulling on her leash like an out-of-control yo-yo.My husband of nearly two decades was, of course, sympathetic about the searing pain that shot down my arm like a lightning bolt whenever I reached for something slightly out of range. But then, a few months later, a weird thing happened: Just as my shoulder was loosening up and the sharp pain was receding to a dull ache, my husband developed a frozen shoulder in his left arm, too. It wasnt from the dogI did most of the walking and by the time his pain appeared, the puppy was all trained up.I would have chalked it up to coincidence, but when I started experiencing tendonitis in my right elbow last yearlikely a result of too many hours spent clacking on my laptophubby began complaining about pain in his elbow at the same time, and he rarely sits at a desk all day long. What were the chances? And also, how annoying! Instead of being nursed through my ailment I was once again mustering sympathy for his copycat symptoms.A quick Google search turned up a story about how long-term couples have a tendency to become in sync, health-wise, over time. People have been aware of this phenomenon for the last half centurythat were connectedbut now we have the methodology to begin to model these dynamics in new ways, says Shannon Mejia, an assistant professor in the department of kinesiology and community health at the University of Illinois Urbana-Champaign. As were studying how peoples lives unfold, we recognize that theyre unfolding with others.(Related: Its Just One Thing After Another: Can Our Relationships Survive Covid-19?)Mejia calls her area of research lifespan psychology. It looks at the way individuals shape their own development, and how shared environments, shared behaviors, shared beliefs about aging, and partner selection all intersect to influence health as couples age together.Her research has shown that couples who share optimism about aging are healthier overall. They share fewer constraints on daily activities, such as climbing a flight of stairs or picking up a coin, as they get older. Whats more, partners who have weathered decades together have similar cholesterol levels, kidney function and grip strength, which is an important indicator of muscle endurance and overall health. Other studies have linked these shared health behaviourstermed spousal concordancewith diabetes, cardiovascular disease and depression, making a strong argument that long-term intimate relationships can influence physical and mental health trajectories over time.To explain how my husband and I both became stricken with a frozen shoulder within months of each other, Mejia posits that shared behaviours over the years might have led to similarities in posture and vulnerability, which could have resulted in the same shoulder injury. Called postural synchrony in psychology circles, ours is a more extreme case of two people whose feet fall into step while walking or who lean into one another like mirror images to show interest on a date.(Related: I Worry About Other Peoples Problems Like Theyre My Own. How Can I Set Healthy Boundaries?)Playing into it, too, is the notion of pain empathythe fact that seeing someone in pain creates, at the very least, psychological pain in the observer. Watching another person suffer, particularly a loved one, evokes a strong psycho-social reaction, says Kenneth Craig, director of the B.C. Pain Research Network and professor emeritus of psychology at the University of British Columbia. Theres going to be some correlation between the reaction of the observer and the person whos actually in pain.An instance of this phenomenon is a sympathetic pregnancy, where non-pregnant people find themselves experiencing much the same symptoms as their partners. Extreme reactions can go beyond pain to include weight gain, fatigue, difficulty walking, Craig says. But he points out that it can also include pain that mirrors their partners distress during contractions.These examples all tie into the idea that shared experiences, beliefs, behaviours and environments lead to similarities in health, for better or worse, and thats really the crux of Mejias research.Shes found that up to 20 percent of the differences in health that married adults experience are due to the relationship rather than the individual. So why not harness the power of two for good? Couples can inspire each other to stick with healthy habits like exercising, eating well and going to bed at a reasonable hour.After nearly 25 years of marriageand two healed shouldersI like to think that my husband and I share a lifestyle thats conducive to healthy aging (our adorable pulling dog aside).(Related:5 Factors Linked to Successful Relationships)So do Liz and Remy Tompkins, both 55, a couple from Calgary married 31 years. They recently sold their home and just about all of their possessions and are currently driving across North America in a retrofitted van, taking the time to stretch, exercise and meditate daily. Though they each have their own individual aches and pains, theyre eerily sympatico when it comes to a low resting heart rate and healthy blood pressure. They chalk it up to genetics and an active lifestyle, but it also looks a lot like spousal concordance.The Tompkins share the dream of a future where theyre healthy and active. Theyve gone so far as to set intentions around these healthy behaviours, and a big motivator has been watching their own parents age.I dont want to end up in the same sort of condition as I see [my parents] in their 80s, says Remy, whose dad has had a couple of strokes and whose mom is diabetic. I want to preserve my abilities.Liz is also of the use it or lose it mentality and shares her husbands positive vision about aging. Were going to have a very active old age because we share an active, healthy lifestyle, she says.Talking about health in this way and figuring out how to support each other through aging are steps in the right direction for couples who dont want to be limited as they grow old, says Mejia.I would advocate for formalizing this shared environment. Who are we? How do we think about our health? How do we want to support our health? she says. Really recognize that youre in this together.Next: 5 Sex Tips from Canadians Living with Disabilities
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