Even if you willingly sign up to do it, as most people do, feeling trapped when caring for elderly parents is normal. The job can be one of the most rewarding — but overwhelming — things you’ll ever take on. In fact, it can be downright exhausting some days.
First, there’s the emotional aspect of coming to terms with the fact that the parent has become the one being taken care of. Couple this new family dynamic with the physical, financial, and mental demands of providing personal care for an older mother or father, and it’s no wonder so many family caregivers find themselves struggling.
If you feel trapped caring for elderly parents, know that you’re not alone. It’s common to experience guilt, frustration, and helplessness as you suddenly find you need to put your parents’ needs before your own. The good news is there are ways to manage the pressure you’re under right now. Armed with the right tools and strategies, you can find balance and regain control in your life while ensuring your parents get the elderly care and support they need in their later years.
Keep reading to understand why you feel trapped and learn effective steps to manage stress and the challenges of caring for aging parents here.
Understanding Why You Feel Trapped
Feeling trapped while caring for elderly parents is a common experience that arises from various emotional, physical, and psychological challenges. Let’s explore some of the key reasons why you feel trapped so we can find you a way out.
Guilt and responsibility
Many primary caregivers struggle with intense feelings of guilt, often feeling that they are not doing enough for their aging parents. This overwhelming sense of responsibility can make you feel trapped, as you may feel compelled to sacrifice your own needs and desires to meet your parents’ expectations.
Grief and role reversal
As your parents age, the shift in roles—from being cared for to becoming the caregiver—can lead to feelings of grief and loss. This role reversal can be emotionally taxing, as it forces you to confront the reality of your parents’ declining health and independence, which can intensify feelings of being stuck in a difficult and unchangeable situation.
Isolation and loneliness
Caregiving can be an isolating experience. The demands of caring for your parents may leave little time for your usual social interactions or personal activities, leading to feelings of loneliness. This isolation can amplify the sense of being trapped, as you may feel cut off from the rest of the world. In many cases, this lonely feeling often leads to caregiver depression, if not addressed with adequate support. In fact, estimated 40% – 70% of caregivers experience depressive symptoms.
Lack of support
A lack of adequate support is a significant factor that contributes to feeling trapped. If you don’t have a network of family, friends, or professional caregivers to share the caregiving responsibilities, the burden can become overwhelming. Without support, it’s easy to feel as though you’re carrying the weight of caregiving all on your own, which can exacerbate feelings of entrapment and helplessness.
Physical and mental exhaustion
The physical demands of caregiving, such as assisting with mobility, administering medications, and managing daily routines, can lead to chronic fatigue and caregiver stress. This exhaustion, combined with the mental stress of constantly worrying about your parents’ well-being, can create a sense of being overwhelmed and trapped in an endless cycle of caregiving duties.
Financial stress
Caring for elderly parents often comes with significant financial strain. The costs associated with healthcare, medications, and other necessities can be overwhelming. This financial burden can make you feel trapped, as you may feel unable to escape the economic pressures that caregiving imposes.
Fear of the future
Uncertainty about the future is another reason many caregivers feel trapped. Concerns about your parents’ health deteriorating, the potential need for more intensive care, and the long-term impact on your own life can create anxiety. This fear of the unknown can make it seem as though there is no way out of the caregiving situation.
What to Do if You Feel Trapped Caring for Elderly Parents
Given all these challenges, it’s easy to see why feeling trapped is a common experience among caregivers. However, it’s important to recognize that these feelings don’t have to define your caregiving journey.
By taking proactive steps, you can alleviate some of the pressures and create a more sustainable and balanced approach to caring for your elderly parents. Below, we outline practical strategies to help you cope with these emotions and regain control of your life.
Seek support from family and friends
Don’t be afraid to seek help if you feel trapped caring for elderly parents. You don’t need to handle everything on your own. Reach out to family members and close friends who may be able to provide emotional support or even share in the caregiving responsibilities. Recognizing when you need support is crucial for the job you’re doing and for your own well-being.
Consider asking for help with things like grocery shopping, meal prep, or companionship. Even a short break can alleviate some of the pressure you’re feeling. Having a support network can lighten the load and help you feel less isolated. Even if they can’t offer physical assistance, sometimes just having someone to talk to can make a world of difference.
Explore respite care options
Respite care provides temporary relief for primary caregivers by offering professional care for your elderly parents, allowing you to take a break. This type of care can be set up for anywhere from a few hours to several weeks at a time.
“Being a full time caregiver to our aging parents can be incredibly rewarding but also incredibly stressful. The stress isn’t just on the caregiver but also the aging parent. Understanding what respite care is and how to utilize it best to help balance out a healthy relationship between aging parents and adult children is important. It’s also helpful when the caregivers are not as experienced in medical needs so a home nurse or a day center can help in fulfilling those roles as well.”
– Talkspace therapist Minkyung Chung, MS, LMHC
If you need a break or have an obligation — like a doctor’s appointment, lunch with a friend, a child’s school event, or anything that demands your full attention — respite care can ease your mind as you know that your parents will be taken care of.
Respite care can be used in various settings and provide much-needed reprieve. Options might include:
In-home care
Adult care centers
Short-term nursing home
Temporary assisted living facility stays
Regularly scheduled respite care services can help prevent burnout and provide you with the time you need to recharge.
Set boundaries and manage expectations
Setting boundaries is crucial to maintaining your well-being. Clearly communicate with your family and your parents about what you can realistically handle. It’s okay to say no to certain requests or to delegate tasks to others. Managing your own expectations—and those of others—can help reduce the pressure you may feel to do it all.
Take care of your own health
Your health is just as important as your parents’. Make sure you’re eating well, getting enough sleep, and finding time for physical activity. Incorporating self-care for caregivers into your daily routine can help reduce stress and improve your ability to care for your parents. Remember, you can’t pour from an empty cup; taking care of yourself is essential to avoiding caregiver burnout and being able to care for others.
“Caregiver burnout is real and can impact the caregiver’s mental health but also the aging parent. Making sure that the balance for caring for our parents and caring for ourselves is important. Self-care can include taking a few moments during the day to do some mindfulness/calming activities to utilize the services available to help get breaks. It’s important to remember that self-care is not being selfish.”
– Talkspace therapist Minkyung Chung, MS, LMHC
Consider professional counseling or support groups
Any time you feel trapped caring for elderly parents, focusing on your mental health and emotional well-being is crucial. If feelings of being trapped or overwhelmed persist, consider seeking professional help to manage the emotional toll of your caregiver responsibilities. Seeking professional help can give you a safe space to express your feelings and learn effective coping mechanisms. An experienced therapist can help you navigate the complex emotions you’re experiencing. Guilt, resentment, or even grief are common during this time, and having the right tools to cope is critical.
Additionally, joining a support group for caregivers can connect you with others in similar situations, providing valuable and comforting advice and a sense of community you might be craving. They offer an opportunity to share experiences, get and give advice, and feel less isolated.
Get finances in order
Family caregivers often experience significant financial strain. Some studies suggest the economic impact of income-related losses sustained by caregivers can be more than $300,000 in lost benefits and income.
Financial stress adds another layer to an already challenging situation. Managing your parents’ finances isn’t always easy, but you can start by reviewing their current financial state and resources. Find out how much they have in savings, what and where insurance policies are, and if they qualify for or receive any government benefits or assistance.
It might be helpful to contact a financial advisor who specializes in elder care as you plan for future expenses and determine potential funding sources. Make sure to keep an organized budget so you can track caregiving costs and make future financial decisions.
Evaluate long-term care options
If caregiving is becoming too much to handle, it may be time to consider long-term care options such as assisted living or nursing homes. While this decision is difficult, it’s important to consider what’s best for both you and your parents. Researching and discussing these options with your family can help you make an informed choice that ensures your parents receive the care they need.
Many assisted-living facilities offer services like:
Meals
Housekeeping
Medication ordering and management
Assistance with daily activities
Help with bathing
Primary care visits
Shuttle services to appointments and social events
In-house social gatherings
Plan for the future
Taking the time to plan for your loved one’s future will offer you peace of mind because you’ll know you’re prepared for whatever is next.
If they’re still able to, get your parents’ input when you decide things like:
What are their wishes as their health deteriorates?
What would be the next steps?
How will you manage finances and healthcare decisions if they can’t do so anymore?
Are insurance policies and accounts titled properly with beneficiaries?
What are their final wishes?
Finding Balance and Support
Feeling trapped when caring for elderly parents is an experience shared by many, but it doesn’t have to define your journey. By implementing the strategies discussed, you can find a healthier balance between your caregiving responsibilities and your personal well-being, ensuring that both you and your parents thrive.
Remember, you don’t have to face these challenges alone. Talkspace offers accessible online therapy tailored to your needs as a caregiver, providing you with the tools to manage stress and maintain your mental health. With Talkspace, you can build resilience, find support, and approach caregiving with renewed strength and compassion.
Sources:
Schulz R, Eden J, Adults C on FC for O. Economic impact of family caregiving. Families Caring for an Aging America – NCBI Bookshelf. Published November 8, 2016. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK396402/. Accessed August 12, 2024.
Rajović T, Milić N. Mental health of informal caregivers. Medicinski Podmladak. 2022;73(3):8-11. doi:10.5937/mp73-37522. https://www.researchgate.net/publication/365407059_Mental_health_of_informal_caregivers. Accessed August 12, 2024.
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