In many ways, military spouses are the backbone of the resilience and stability that service members demonstrate every day as they protect their country. Military spouse life often requires strength and sacrifice. From frequently relocating their families and homes to dealing with long separations, the life of a military spouse is full of challenges and rewards.
The Unique Life of a Military Spouse
Being married to a service member means being willing to embrace a lifestyle that’s strikingly different from non-military marriages. Civilian life offers predictable routines and stability, whereas military spouses are expected to navigate a path of frequent relocations, extended deployments, and the general unpredictable nature of active military duty.
Adapting to frequent relocations
Some military families see each move as a fresh start, but that requires adaptability and a willingness to start over and build and make a home for your family time and again. Each relocation can impact career opportunities, children’s education, and the ability to maintain connections with friends and family left behind.
Managing deployments
Active duty member deployment is another component of this unique lifestyle. Military spouses often do double duty when their partner is deployed far from home. They’re left juggling the roles of both parents and living without their significant other. This period of separation brings unique challenges but also showcases the resilience of military families.
Building a support network
Despite these difficulties, military spouses often feel a great sense of pride and community. Building strong bonds with others who understand military life becomes crucial, creating a support network that can help them navigate the ups and downs. Through it all, military spouses demonstrate unconditional and unwavering love and support for their partners, a dedication that mirrors a service member’s commitment to their country.
Challenges Faced by Military Spouses
Life as a military spouse comes with its fair share of challenges. Although some people enjoy a lifestyle full of change and only see the opportunities, for others, the changes can be overwhelming and cause personal and professional struggles.
Navigating deployment and separation
Perhaps one of the most difficult parts of being a military spouse is frequent deployment and extended separation. Deployments can last several months to over a year and often leave spouses to manage the homefront on their own. The emotional component of missing your loved one, coupled with anxiety in the military and worry about their safety, is incredibly daunting.
Most spouses cope by building support networks in their military community and ensuring they frequently communicate with their deployed partner through letters, emails, video calls, and other outlets.
Career sacrifices and opportunities
When you’re constantly moving and living a transient lifestyle — putting your career first can be difficult. Thankfully, with remote work, this isn’t always as big of a sacrifice as it once was. Still, many spouses are forced to leave jobs or spend time figuring out how to transfer licenses and certifications, or they put their careers on hold entirely.
Parenting solo
“Parenting solo is tough because it requires that parent to be “on” 24/7. Typically, when we are “on” for longer periods, it will negate any personal time we typically get to recover, such as a chance to go to Bible Study, meditate, go to the gym, hike, or even take a long bath. There’s an uptick in mental illness when we don’t have this time.”
– Talkspace psychiatrist Dr. Meaghan Rice, PsyD, LPC
Many military spouses develop coping techniques, such as creating routines, seeking support from friends and family, and using military family member resources, like online therapy covered by insurance, to support themselves during their partner’s absence.
Tips for Thriving as a Military Spouse
Despite all the challenges, thriving as a military spouse is possible. You just need to find ways to build a fulfilling and balanced lifestyle despite your doubts or fears. Focus on creating a strong support network, finding easy ways to communicate with deployed military service members, and seeking therapy.
Build a strong support network
A strong support network is one of the most important parts of surviving as a military spouse. Connecting with other spouses, joining support groups, or participating in community events can become vital sources of emotional support and friendship.
Maintain communication during deployments
Deployment can be challenging, which is why it’s so crucial to communicate openly and honestly while your spouse is away. Schedule regular phone calls, video chat, write letters, and send emails to help bridge the physical distance and nurture a solid emotional connection with your partner.
Find creative ways to keep in touch — daily update shares, care packages, or virtual date nights can all provide comfort when you’re separated.
“Maintaining communication during deployment is an art. The time zones often differ, so the daily schedules don’t align. Or while on deployment, the military member is so busy they can’t step away. So journaling every day and then writing a summary (either by hand or by email) to our partners is a nice way to stay engaged even when the routines don’t align.”
– Talkspace psychiatrist Dr. Meaghan Rice, PsyD, LPC
Talk through the challenges with a therapist
Therapy can be incredibly beneficial for military spouses struggling with this unique lifestyle. A therapist can help you understand the complexities of military-related stress. If you feel isolated, have anxiety, or struggle with depression, therapy can be a confidential space to express your feelings and work through the challenges. You’ll learn coping strategies that can become essential in maintaining your mental and emotional health while giving you the strength to get through your days with an active duty member.
Balance personal and family life
Finding a balance between personal ambition and family responsibilities is vital to promoting mental health. Set aside time for personal hobbies and things you enjoy. Pursuing your education or career goals is as important as nurturing family relationships. Making time for self-care can give you the downtime you need to refresh and recharge so you have the strength and energy to get through the day.
Plan and ensure financial stability
Financial stress is a problem in any marriage. It can be a significant concern for military families who face uncertainties of relocating often and wondering when the next deployment will be.
A viable financial plan, with saving strategies and budgeting plans, offers security and significantly reduces stress. Be sure you fully understand your military benefits so you can take advantage of any financial opportunities the military provides you. Seeking assistance through financial counseling can help with this matter.
Embrace flexibility and adaptability
Flexibility and adaptability help you embrace any change. Try to approach every situation with a positive mindset — whether adjusting to a new home, trying to fit into a different culture, or facing unexpected deployment orders. Being flexible is a crucial trait that successful military spouses learn to prioritize.
Access educational and career opportunities
Even though there can be career challenges due to frequent relocations, military spouses can still pursue educational and career opportunities. Seek out organizations and educational opportunities that offer programs designed for military spouses. You can find scholarships, remote work options, and certification courses that will enhance your professional growth and offer the fulfillment you’ve been looking for.
Create a sense of home anywhere
They say home is where the heart is, so no matter where you’re stationed, you can create a sense of home. Personalize every new space or home with familiar items. Make routines quickly and integrate into the local community as much as possible to find stability, support, and comfort. Even small efforts make a big difference as you transition to a new home or unfamiliar area.
Consider couples therapy
Research shows that divorce rates are high for military couples, especially after deployment. If you’re struggling in your marriage, consider couples therapy. The time together can be invaluable if you’re experiencing strain based on the life the military provides you with or if your loved one is experiencing post-deployment syndrome. Therapy can give you a neutral ground to address your issues, improve communication, and save your marriage.
Find Support Wherever You Are
Military life can take you worldwide, but finding support is easy wherever you are.
Online therapy is a convenient and effective way to access the help you need, regardless of location. Talkspace makes it simple for military spouses to get individual or couples therapy online, and it’s even covered by many insurance providers, including TRICARE insurance. Now, you can get the therapy you deserve and need without worrying about the cost. Therapy can help foster communication, understanding, and resilience in your relationship. It can help you build a solid foundation to endure the highs and lows as a couple.
If you’re looking for support, Talkspace offers affordable accessible online therapy options. Wherever you are, Talkspace ensures that support is always within reach. Get support with online therapy covered by TRICARE today.
Sources:
Pethrus CM, Reutfors J, Johansson K, et al. Marriage and divorce after military deployment to Afghanistan: A matched cohort study from Sweden. PLoS ONE. 2019;14(2):e0207981. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0207981. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6358058/. Accessed August 21, 2024.
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