Each time you attract a narcissist, do you promise yourself that you will not repeat the same mistake? Still, the same story continues. If that is the case, surely you must be wondering, why do you keep attracting narcissists? What traits do you have that are attracting narcissists, and how do you stop this?
If the answer to all this is a yes, you are in luck, as we are going to discuss different ways in which you can stop attracting narcissists.
Being attracted to pleasant personalities is common, but it can be frustrating and confusing if you constantly attract egoists. You must probably think about what is wrong with you. Why are narcissists, destructive, and dangerous individuals attracted to you?
Let me tell you there is nothing wrong with you. There are different reasons why you attract self-centered individuals. Here’s everything you need to know about why this keeps happening and how to say goodbye to them forever.
Why do I keep attracting Narcissists? 7 Possible reasons
1. You are an empath.
Narcissists lack empathy and the ability to understand and sense others’ feelings. This is why you will often find empaths attracting narcissist attention. As narcissists see themselves above everyone else, when they see someone caring for others, they get attracted to such individuals. So, if you are an empath, you will attract narcissists as they like your dedication and the way you pay attention to others.
2. Your parents are narcissistic.
Unfortunately, when the parents are narcissistic, breaking this pattern is difficult because subconsciously, you look for similar patterns as they make you feel secure and comfortable.
It is not that you share a romantic relationship with your parents as you do with your partner. However, as a child, you experience warmth and love from your parents. This is why you might feel the need or want to experience those similar dynamics in adult romantic relationships, resulting in attracting narcissists.
However, if your parents weren’t narcissistic but you come from a toxic family member or have a narcissistic ex with who you felt connected. In such cases, you might attract narcissists due to the familiarity.
3. You have low self-esteem
The majority of people struggle with self-esteem issues. However, in the case of narcissists, this is different because these people, using their confidence, take advantage of this human weakness. Especially in the case of women with self-esteem issues or those who have been in an abusive or traumatic relationship, narcissists show them love and make them feel as if they are being saved. This inflates the ego, and they get attracted to narcissists.
4. You prioritize the needs of others
Are you a giver? Do you give without expecting anything in return? If so, you are a magnet for narcissists. As these people think highly of themselves, when they see you working selflessly for others, they see it as an opportunity and take advantage of your compassion. Narcissists easily understand your need for attention and being available. They take advantage of it and show themselves as caring.
5. They make you feel valuable (sometimes)
The narcissist picks up on you privately, but they praise your accomplishments in front of others. They see their partner as an extension of themselves—someone who projects a positive and admirable light toward them. This is why narcissists are attracted to people with qualities they value and believe will enhance their image.
When you look good to others, they hope it makes them look good too. It has to do with their wanting to control you and ensure you always look your best, even at the expense of your mental health.
6. You have good looks.
Self-absorbed individuals are usually inclined towards good looks. They love attention and want to be the center of attraction, so they like to be with similarly attractive and assembled accomplices. They put a great deal of confidence in status.
You will surely attract narcissists if you’re rich with a Harvard degree and a dazzling face. It is a sign if your partner comments on your dress or makes you change what you wear. Beware.
7. You are successful and caring
Have you worked hard every day to do everything right? Have you tried sincerely and gotten along nicely? Do you have immaculate habits? If the answer is yes to each of the three inquiries, it is another warning, and there’s a better-than-normal possibility you’ve attracted a narcissist.
Individuals with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) favor those who look good; when they can get a bundle, they won’t make the mistake of losing you.
Narcissistic Fictional Characters –
Narcissism is a personality disorder ruled by pride, conceit, and an absence of compassion. Individuals suffering from it put themselves first, accepting they are a priority over others, and anticipate extraordinary treatment. This leads to behaving controlled, arrogant, manipulative, and entitled. However, such people are alluring and enchanting yet can hold feelings of resentment.
While it is important to understand why you attract narcissists, it is essential to understand not every person who displays egotistical qualities has an issue. Specific individuals are self-obsessed to the extent that they are seen differently but don’t harm anyone.
Often, the fictitious narcissist characters are shown as those who are so fixated on themselves and their significance that it puts them in conflict with the remainder of society. Many of these characters profoundly want power and will successfully get it. So, let’s look at some fictitious narcissistic characters.
1. Professor Umbridge (Harry Potter)
Prof. Umbridge from the Harry Potter series is an exemplary illustration of a self-absorbed character. Her requirement for control and hatred for anybody who doesn’t accommodate her perspective make her the most engaging bad guy in writing.
She’s likewise unbelievably irritating, with that saccharine sweet voice, tight bun, and elegant dresses. However, Umbridge’s finished absence of compassion and self-importance makes her irritatingly egotistical. She makes the most of it whenever she’s in an influential place to fulfill her necessities and wants.
Umbridge has no second thoughts about removing the right to speak freely of discourse, rebuffing understudies brutally, and making up erratic principles as she can.
Her activities are constantly spurred by a craving for control and endorsement, which is the reason she’s continuously making a respectable attempt to be great. She is a great representation of how self-absorption can be extraordinarily hindering – both to individuals around her and to herself.
2. Regina George (Mean Girls)
Regina George from Mean Girls is another prominent character who depicts narcissism. She sees herself as the queen of her school and is ready to go to any extent to remain at the top. Regina’s requirement for control and consideration makes her a deplorable person.
She is egotistical and has no respect for other people’s sentiments. She utilizes control, terrorizes others to get what she needs, and never assumes a sense of ownership with her activities. Regina is an incredible illustration of how self-absorption can prompt some truly horrendous behavior.
3. James Moriarty (Sherlock)
James Moriarty from Sherlock is a model egomaniac, showing the traits of a narcissist, like self-importance, absence of compassion, and a penchant for narcissism. Moriarty’s requirements for power and control are shown to such an extent that he would lie to get control and might manipulate or kill someone. He is uninterested in knowing his activities’ outcomes on others rather than needing to fulfill his requirements.
His need for admiration highlights Moriarty’s self-absorption. He needs to be perceived as the genius he trusts himself to be. Moriarty is an egomaniac who holds himself in high regard.
4. The Joker (The Dark Knight)
The Joker from The Dim Knight is undoubtedly one of the most famous characters in terms of self-centeredness. He is fixated on himself, accepting that he is above everyone and qualified for anything he desires. The Joker likewise adores mayhem, continually pushing limits to cause destruction and disturbance.
He wants attention and likes controlling all circumstances. He has no respect for other individuals’ sentiments and is reluctant to feel ownership of his activities. The Joker is a great representation of how selfishness can be damaging and risky.
5. Cersei Lannister (Game of Thrones)
Cersei Lannister from Game of Thrones is another example of a narcissist. She shows self-absorbed qualities, like an extreme requirement for deference and endorsement, a disposition for narcissism, and a need for admiration and entitlement. Cersei is very tricky and manipulative, ready to use her position to get what she needs.
She is ready to do anything to stay in power, including disposing of the people who resist her or neglect to measure up to her assumptions. Her total absence of regret further stresses how egotistical she is; she couldn’t care less about the results of her activities or the sensations of everyone around her.
6. Joe Goldberg (YOU)
Joe Goldberg from the Netflix show YOU is a true example of an egomaniac. He is egocentric and focused on his desires and needs regardless of the ramifications for others. He is childish and manipulative, ordinarily lying and controlling circumstances to meet his needs.
Joe thinks his activities are legitimate because he is “enamored” with the individual he follows. Though he has a twisted feeling about the real world, compassion is absent – both key indications of selfishness.
Do you feel attracted to these characters or feel empathy towards them? If so, you must learn how to deal with it, so keep reading.
How do we Stop Attracting Narcissistic People?
1. Set boundaries
There’s nothing wrong with being compassionate and generous, but it’s important to ensure no one takes advantage of these qualities. Explain your boundaries: what actions you will and will not accept, what you will give and say no to, no matter what the other person says.
Narcissists have no boundaries and will try to push their boundaries whenever possible. “If a person ignores, repeatedly violates, or doesn’t respond to your efforts to enforce boundaries, think twice before moving along. You encourage the narcissist to hold back by setting strong and uncompromising boundaries.
2. Build self-confidence
Suppose anyone makes you feel less than you need to develop strong self-confidence. Developing confidence and self-love is a lifelong journey. Still, once you start reminding yourself that you deserve it and project that confidence outward, the narcissist realizes that you are not one to be easily manipulated.
3. Focus on your values and morals.
People say a lot about who they are; pay attention to your values and check your moral compass. Look for evidence to see if they support your values, and trust your gut feeling. Narcissists can’t fake empathy. When you find someone trying to fake the connection, draw a line and step back.
4. Identify red flags
Narcissists’ personalities fluctuate dramatically depending on the situation they find themselves in. The narcissist’s public and private selves are more extreme—especially regarding their partners. If a person is consistently respectful and charming in public but consistently abusive and demeaning in private, it is a red flag.
Do not ignore these red flags and move away from this relationship. Whatever you have to do, do it. Trust your instincts about others and act on them when they arise. In a healthy relationship, you don’t think there’s a problem – trust yourself.
5. Avoid those who try to control you and your behavior.
Narcissists are controlling. If you notice someone assessing their opinions on you and getting frenetic when you do not hear — run down! From censuring your appearance to constantly trying to control your gestures, move away if you find your partner doing it. The right mate will appreciate you for who you are rather than trying to make every choice for you.
6. Talk to a therapist
Another way that you can deal with the attraction towards narcissists is to work with a specialist. They will give you options and teach you ways to change how you act or who you are drawing in so you can find a mate who is more qualified for you.
Also, since you have been with a narcissist, there are chances that you need some support. So, talking to a therapist will help you understand many things about yourself and how you can work out things that you don’t get troubled about.
As you’ve learned the signs and what attracts a narcissist, avoid getting into a relationship with them. Make a promise to value yourself and be careful of whom you fall for.
The post Why Do I Attract Narcissists? appeared first on Calm Sage – Your Guide to Mental and Emotional Well-being.