Parenting is hard, but parenting on your own is even harder. As a single parent, you’re often juggling the duties of both parents — from providing financial stability to ensuring your children have everything they need to be physically and emotionally secure — and you still have to take care of yourself, too.
While you’re happy to do it, and of course you love your children more than anything, it’s OK to acknowledge that your job comes with unique challenges. It’s also OK if you feel like you might be heading toward single dad or single mom burnout. The physical, emotional, and mental exhaustion can be overwhelming some days. Research shows that parental burnout is a global issue, and it’s even more prevalent when you’re trying to do everything on your own.
Knowing how to recognize the signs means you can address single-parent burnout early. Then, you can make changes to ensure you’re taking care of yourself physically and mentally so you can be the parent you’ve always wanted to be.
Read on to learn why single parenting is so hard, the signs of single parent burnout you should be aware of, and what you can do if you’re experiencing burnout or single-parent exhaustion.
The Struggles of Single Parenting
Nobody said parenting was easy, and doing it alone is more taxing. Single-parent households are higher in the United States than anywhere else in the world — nearly a quarter (23%) of children in the U.S. live with one parent. The prevalence of single dads and moms should mean that support is widespread, but unfortunately, that’s not always the case.
Acknowledging the hard parts of single parenting is the first step. If you know the areas you’re struggling with, you can ask for help or find another way to alleviate some of your single parenting stress.
Balancing work and parenting duties
One of the challenges many single parents face is balancing work and their role as parents. Juggling a full-time job and being a primary caregiver can be draining and can lead to parental burnout. Learning to successfully switch roles from employee to parent can leave little room for downtime, rest, and relaxation. Over time, trying to be successful in both areas of your life can lead to single-dad or single-mom burnout.
Financial stress and responsibility
Single parents frequently bear the total weight of financial responsibility for their household. It can be stressful when you don’t have a partner to help you manage expenses, budget, and contribute to the economic stability of the home. The pressure to provide for your family is enough to cause single-father or single-mother burnout.
Custody arrangements
When you add the stress and anxiety of custody arrangements to single parents, things can get tricky quickly. Much research suggests that finding a healthy way to co-parenting successfully is better for everyone, though, especially the children. In fact, studies found that shared custody is linked to socioemotional, psychological, and physical well-being.
Lack of personal time and space
You love your children and want to be with them, but you still need some “me-time.” Too often, personal hobbies, relaxation, and basic self care practices take a backseat as you care for everyone else in your family. A lack of personal time and space can lead to feelings of resentment, frustration, and single-parent burnout.
Emotional and mental load
Being the only one responsible in your home can create a heavy mental load. You worry about your children’s well-being, education, future, daily needs, and more. Every decision is on you, and that pressure can lead to parental anxiety.
Social stigma and judgment
Unfortunately, society still places an unfair stigma on single parents, and it can be isolating. Facing criticism or being misunderstood exacerbates the single parenting stress and emotional burden you likely already feel. Feeling judged for trying to do it on your own can lead to parental guilt, making the job even more challenging.
Social isolation and limited support
It’s common to feel socially isolated as a parent, even if you have a partner. Isolation becomes even worse if you don’t have a strong support system to lean on and nobody to share the brunt of the responsibilities with.
Health and wellness neglect
It can be easy to forget about your health as a single parent. You’re so busy making sure the kids have everything they need that it can feel impossible to do simple things to keep yourself healthy, like get regular exercise, eat well, get enough sleep, or prioritize your routine medical checkups — but failing to care for yourself will eventually take a physical and mental toll.
Signs You’re Experiencing Burnout
It’s crucial to recognize the signs of single-parent burnout. Then, you can take that first step toward seeking help. There are several common indicators to be on the lookout for, including:
Constant fatigue: You always feel exhausted, even if you slept well the night before.
Irritability and mood swings: You’re frequently irritable or have mood swings or emotional outbursts.
No patience: You lose your patience, especially with your children.
Sleep issues: It’s hard to fall or stay asleep.
No motivation: You’ve lost interest in activities you once enjoyed.
Physical symptoms: You have headaches, stomach issues, or other physical ailments — often without a clear medical cause.
Persistently feeling overwhelmed: You feel overwhelmed by your daily tasks and responsibilities.
Emotional detachment: You feel numb or detached from others. The detachment can affect all relationships, not just those with your children.
Difficulty concentrating: Concentrating, making decisions, and remembering things is hard. This is often described as “mental fog,” and it can influence daily life and work.
Negative thoughts: You’ve got constant doubt, feelings of inadequacy, and persistent negativity.
Dependence on substances: You turn to alcohol, drugs, or other substances to cope.
“Burnout in single parents can lead to chronic stress, physical and mental health issues, and negatively impact parenting abilities. Over time, this can result in emotional and behavioral problems in children, such as anxiety, depression, and academic difficulties. At times, this can also strain parent-child relationships. Burnout can also affect the parent’s ability to provide a stable and nurturing environment for their child.”
– Talkspace therapist Bisma Anwar, LPC, LMHC
Strategies to Combat Burnout as a Single-Parent
Although the threat of single-parent burnout is very real, there are effective strategies you can use to manage stress as a mom or dad and create an overall healthier, happier, more balanced life in your home. From prioritizing self care to building a support network, the following tips can prevent or help you recover from burnout.
Prioritize self-care
Self-care for parents is more than just having a luxury spa day every once in a while. It’s a necessity, especially if you’re parenting alone. Make sure you consistently set aside time for activities that replenish your energy and improve your well-being — it can be something as simple as working out or meditating. When you take care of yourself, you build resilience and the strength to care for your children.
Build a support network
Having a support network is a critical part of successful parenting. For single parents, it becomes a lifeline. Reach out to family, friends, or local community groups to ask for help with childcare and household chores or to find someone who can listen. Consider joining a single parent support group if you don’t have family or friends nearby who can help.
Seek professional help
Sometimes, you need professional help as a single parent. If you’re feeling burned out, don’t be afraid to find a therapist, counselor, or support group. Mental health professionals can help you navigate the complexities of single parenting with confidence, and support groups can be a source of strength.
Utilize effective time management
Effective time management is crucial to balancing the countless responsibilities you have every day. There are many ways to improve time management skills — use whatever works for you. Planners, calendars, to-do lists, and apps can all help you stay organized and motivated to complete everything.
Set realistic expectations
You want to give your children the world. Sometimes, though, you place unhealthy or unrealistic expectations on yourself in trying to do it. Your intentions are good, but expecting too much from yourself adds stress and can make you feel like you’re failing as a parent. Remember that you’re doing the best you can, and really, that’s enough.
“High expectations in single parenting can lead to emotional exhaustion by creating constant pressure to meet unrealistic standards. This relentless pressure can result in feelings of inadequacy, chronic stress, and fatigue, ultimately leading to burnout.”
– Talkspace therapist Bisma Anwar, LPC, LMHC
Develop a flexible routine
Kids thrive on routine but they also benefit from learning the importance of flexibility. Establishing a daily routine with child care offers children structure and security, but it’s a good idea to model being prepared to adapt to unforeseen changes. Being flexible helps you avoid stress when things don’t happen the way you thought they would. Not to mention, it’s a good life lesson for children to learn that things don’t always go as planned, and that everything will be OK regardless.
Engage in personal hobbies and personal interests
It’s important to show children that you have personal hobbies and interests. They need to understand that you are a person, too. Whether you enjoy reading, gardening, painting, or the occasional afternoon out for lunch or coffee with friends, making time for yourself ensures you get a much-needed break. It also teaches your children how important it is to prioritize their own needs when they’re adults.
Get Long-Term Support to Maintain Balance
Parenting is not for the faint of heart, especially if you’re doing it alone. Knowing and using effective strategies to combat single-parent burnout can help. Prioritize your health so you have the energy you need to take care of your kids. Engage in self-care, build a support network, focus on time management, and keep a schedule and structure in your home. Setting realistic expectations and being flexible with your routines are crucial for managing the daily stress of parenting alone.
Remember that parenting is not about being perfect — it’s about taking consistent steps toward bettering yourself and building the best possible relationship with your children. If you feel burned out and need help, Talkspace offers convenient and affordable online therapy from home or anywhere you have an Internet connection.
Find out how online therapy from Talkspace can be a supportive resource that helps you be a better parent.
Sources:
Roskam I, Aguiar J, Akgun E, et al. Parental Burnout Around the Globe: a 42-Country Study. Affective Science. 2021;2(1):58-79. doi:10.1007/s42761-020-00028-4. https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s42761-020-00028-4. Accessed July 23, 2024.
Kent D. U.S. has world’s highest rate of children living in single-parent households. Pew Research Center. https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2019/12/12/u-s-children-more-likely-than-children-in-other-countries-to-live-with-just-one-parent/. Published April 14, 2024.
Meyer D, Carlson M, Alam MMU. Increases in shared custody after divorce in the United States. Demographic Research. 2022;46:1137-1162. doi:10.4054/demres.2022.46.38. https://www.demographic-research.org/volumes/vol46/38/46-38.pdf. Accessed July 23, 2024.
Nielsen L. Shared Physical Custody: Summary of 40 studies on outcomes for children. Journal of Divorce & Remarriage. 2014;55(8):613-635. doi:10.1080/10502556.2014.965578. https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/10502556.2014.965578. Accessed July 23, 2024.
The post Battling Single-Parent Burnout appeared first on Talkspace.