You’re in love and oh what a wonderful feeling it is, unfortunately, the person you’re in love with isn’t as invested in your relationship as you. I mean, not having them as interested as you can be tough to deal with but what many people fail to realize is that adults with avoidant attachment struggle to maintain a relationship (even if they want to!).
Before we move on to understanding how to deal with a love avoidant, let’s take a look at how you can know if your partner has an avoidant attachment style.
There are four types of attachment styles:
Secure Attachment
Avoidant or Dismissive Attachment
Anxious or Fearful Attachment
Disorganized Attachment
Adults with a dismissive-avoidant attachment style usually send mixed messages. They will want to come close to you but shy away from intimacy as well. These adults have high standards when it comes to romance.
A dismissive-avoidant partner is uncomfortable with getting close to you and places high value on their independence. They find it difficult to trust others and prefer that you don’t depend on them either. For them, it is highly important that they feel self-sufficient.
Fortunately, you can help your dismissive-avoidant partner feel more secure in a relationship with you, doesn’t matter if it’s a new relationship or a decades-old one.
How To Deal With An Avoidant Partner?
1. Don’t Chase After Them
The last thing a love avoidant needs is for you to chase after them. Your avoidant partner needs space (even when in a committed relationship) so if your avoidant partner withdraws, give them space instead of getting aggravated by their behavior.
2. Avoid Disappointing Them
If you’re looking to build a relationship with a dismissive-avoidant partner, then you need to show them that you’re dependable and not there to disappoint them. If you say you’ll show up for a date, then show up on time. Make sure you avoid letting them down, especially when it comes to commitments you’ve made.
3. Be Kind And Compassionate
It is challenging to date a dismissive-avoidant as your avoidant partner may avoid intimacy and closeness, however, you need to be kind and compassionate towards their past. The change will take time and will be uncomfortable for your avoidant partner but you can only help them by being supportive and kind throughout their journey.
4. Communicate Your Needs, But Moderately
For partners of dismissive-avoidants, it’s easy to fade into the background and forget about your needs. But realize that your needs are as important as theirs. Let them know what you need from them but make sure you don’t come off too strong as it will make them withdraw into their shell.
5. Appreciate Their Efforts
As difficult it is to be with a dismissive-avoidant partner, you need to appreciate them and bond with them by sharing their hobbies and interests. When you appreciate their efforts, it can make them feel closer to you and can help you achieve more as a couple.
6. Don’t Try To Force Change
When you fall in love with a dismissive-avoidant partner, love can take a different meaning. It’s okay to anticipate change but when it comes to an avoidant partner, change can be slow.
So instead of prodding them to change, take things one day at a time and remain patient. You should be their comfort zone and not someone they might want to avoid.
7. Keep Your Expectations Real
Many times, we enter a relationship with unrealistic expectations but sometimes you need to pull off your rose-colored glasses and see the reality. There are ups and downs in every relationship and you need to understand that. Walk into the relationship with an avoidant partner with realistic expectations.
8. Know That They’re Not The Only One With Issues
It’s easy to blame your avoidant partner when things go wrong in a relationship. But you need to understand that it’s not only them in a relationship. The truth is that every relationship brings a new challenge and if you have an avoidant partner then there will be abandonment issues, clinginess, and other messy emotions from your side as well.
9. Listen To Them, Not Hear
Listening is the most important aspect when it comes to a relationship with an avoidant. You need to stop hearing and start actively listening to them. Don’t try to overthink everything or you might end up pushing them away.
10. Remain Empathetic
No relationship can work if you don’t understand your partner. It’s harder to get close if you don’t develop a strong emotional connection with them. You need to remain empathetic and be able to see their side of the story.
11. Don’t Lose Your Individuality
A relationship with an avoidant partner can make you feel alone and lose yourself but you need to make sure you don’t lose your individuality in the relationship. You need space to develop yourself as well along with your partner. You need to stand on your feet before you can support your partner.
12. Respect Their Needs
Your partner is a love avoidant, don’t forget that. You need to respect their needs if you don’t want to lose them. If your partner needs a breather, you need to respect that and give them that space. Remember, it’s not always about you.
13. Don’t Abuse Their Trust In You
Trust is a big deal when it comes to a dismissive-avoidant partner. Regardless of who your partner is, make sure you don’t abuse their trust. Their trust in you is the most important thing in the relationship so do not take it for granted.
14. Always Ask, Don’t Complain
It’s easy to complain when things don’t go your way but remember that complaining is the start of things going wrong in the relationship. So instead of complaining, try to ask them for what you need from them.
15. Seek Professional Help
You need to consider seeking professional help when you feel the need. Asking help from a professional can help you understand the right ways to deal with an avoidant partner. Don’t underestimate the help of a good couples counselor. Don’t be ashamed to seek help.
Dealing with an avoidant partner there are many things you need to be careful about. If you need professional help, don’t be afraid to ask for it,
If you’d like to contact a couples counselor, you can connect with us at info@calmsage.com or DM us on social media.
I hope these above steps help you find your perfect partner. Found this article helpful? Let us know in the comments below!
Take Care!
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