Fantasy bonds

A self-deceiving tendency that helps a person perceive that all is harmonious and well in their relationship even when it is under threat of breaking down. The term fantasy, which is an imaginary, fanciful image one creates of their own wishes and dreams, which may be far from reality and at times never achievable helps understand how a fantasy bond with one’s partner may be taking shape. 

Fantasy bonds may develop when the relationship gets a bit too serious or is reaching significant milestones that involve vulnerability and the risk of getting hurt, an individual to escape that feeling may resort to an illusion like state of a fantasy bond that excludes the pain giving partner and believes that everything is alright as if in a fantasy world. The person starts disconnecting from their partner thinking that they need no one and are self-sufficient in the face of vulnerability.

It is known that fantasy bonds have often originated as a response to neglect, abuse, or fear experienced by the child from their caregiver; to get their needs met the child uses the defense of illusion that safeguards them from this feeling of pain and hurt, believing that something is either wrong in them and so they deserve this treatment by their caregiver or push themselves to think that everything is alright, this is how things work, avoiding the fearful state by living in a fantasy connection. The adult relationships that form may replicate how the child adapted to their threatening environment back in the day and starts to imitate the same behavior in ways to cope. The illusion of being connected to their partner may bring a sense of comfort and safety but unable to see where the relationship is exactly going. 

To be able to work through a pattern of fantasy bonds, one may have to observe and reflect on their own ways of relating to others, address concerns of intimacy and aloofness, how one’s needs are being met in the relationship, and get in touch with one’s authentic selves to see the causes of distress and seek resolution to achieve healthy relationships.

Importance of Professional Counseling: A friend or family member may listen to you, but they aren’t professionally, technically qualified or experienced to offer you professional advice. If you wish you can contact us at MindTribe to receive help from our team of expert psychologists.


MindTribe Founder Dr. Prerna Kohli, India’s eminent psychologist, established the company to leverage the strength of the online to make counseling affordable and accessible to everyone. MindTribe provides counseling, workshops, support groups, forums, and eLearning.

About the Author.

Vritti Kapoor is a psychologist at You can learn more about her by clicking here

Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of, the Founders, or management team.

Acknowledgement: All images used are open source and from Unsplash.


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