Quick Summary
- Family bullying is repeated, intentional behavior—often disguised as “normal conflict”—that causes emotional harm and can come from siblings, parents, or other relatives.
- It’s often dismissed due to cultural norms, “family first” beliefs, or fear of speaking up, but family bullying deeply impacts self-worth, mental health, and trust in relationships.
- Coping includes setting and enforcing boundaries, reducing contact if needed, and seeking safe, supportive environments and help from a therapist.
When bullying comes from within the family, it may be harder to recognize than bullying at school or work because it often happens behind closed doors. Family bullying might also be dismissed as normal family conflict, especially when it involves sibling competition or other close relatives. Bullying within the family isn’t just harmless teasing or occasional arguments. It’s a pattern of behavior that causes real emotional harm.
Continue reading to learn more about what family bullying looks like, why it’s often minimized, and what you can do to protect your well-being as a victim of family bullying.
What Family Bullying Can Look Like
Family bullying isn’t always obvious — it might show up in quieter ways. These behaviors often happen over time and can be easily brushed off.
Sibling bullying, in particular, is surprisingly common. In a 2024 study, about half the participants reported sibling bullying. The most common type of bullying was verbal bullying, where harm is caused through direct and indirect verbal messages.
Bullying within the family is defined more by how it makes you feel than how it looks to others. You might feel small, powerless, or constantly on edge. Experiences common in family bullying may include:
- Feeling constantly criticized, belittled, or humiliated
- Being ignored or excluded as a form of punishment
- Gaslighting (when your feelings or experiences are denied)
- Experiencing emotional blackmail or guilt-tripping
- Feeling like you must “walk on eggshells” to avoid conflict
These patterns can happen between siblings, parents and children, or other relatives.
Why Family Bullying Often Gets Dismissed
Bullying within the family is often minimized and dismissed not only by others in the family but also by the person experiencing the bullying. There are several reasons why this happens.
Some families may have cultural or generational norms that see tough love and strict discipline as necessary and even healthy. A parent or older relative’s behavior may even be influenced by generational trauma due to bullying from their own parents, peers, or loved ones. In these cases, harsh criticism and blunt honesty might be framed as being for your own good. When this happens, it can be difficult to tell when behavior crosses the line into bullying. Instead, you might feel like you need to toughen up or accept it because it’s normal in your family.
You might also hear phrases like “family comes first” or “they don’t mean it,” which encourage you to overlook any hurtful behavior for the sake of family harmony. While these messages can come from a good place, they can unintentionally silence your valid feelings and keep toxic patterns hidden.
Fear is another reason bullying can be dismissed. You might feel worried about being blamed, not believed, or cut off if you speak up. This fear can cause you to stay silent, isolate yourself, or just pretend everything is fine to avoid losing connection with your family.
The Emotional Impact of Family Bullying
Being a victim of long-term bullying within the family can take a serious toll on your mental health, sense of identity, and relationships with others. Emotional impacts can run deep and affect how you see yourself and those around you.
Eroded self-worth
When a family member repeatedly criticizes, belittles, or dismisses you, it’s easy to start believing those negative messages. Constant criticism may lead to second-guessing yourself and doubting your self-worth.
Heightened anxiety and depression
Living with family bullying can leave you feeling on edge and always on alert for the next hurtful comment or conflict. This state of hypervigilance can cause ongoing anxiety and depression symptoms that weigh heavily on your mental health.
Difficulty trusting others
Family bullying can make it difficult to trust others. You might carry over the fear or suspicion you have in your family relationships into friendships, romantic partnerships, or work settings.
Guilt and loyalty binds
When you have a family bully, you might feel torn between protecting your mental health and preserving a family relationship. These loyalty binds can make you feel guilty when you set boundaries or take a step back to prioritize your own well-being.
How To Set Boundaries With a Family Bully
Setting clear family boundaries is an important step in protecting yourself from family bullying. It helps you define what behavior is unacceptable and creates a space for healthier interactions. If you’re wondering how to deal with difficult family members in a healthy way, here are a few things to consider.
Clarify what behaviors cross the line
It’s helpful to start by identifying which words and behaviors feel hurtful or disrespectful to you. Examples of some behaviors that often cross the line into family bullying include:
- Criticism or belittling
- Name-calling
- Silent treatment
- Gaslighting
- Guilt-tripping
- Intimidation or threats
- Public humiliation
- Controlling your choices
- Isolating you from outside support
- Yelling or aggressive outbursts
- Invading your privacy
Communicate boundaries calmly but firmly
To effectively communicate with family when setting boundaries, it’s important to use clear but firm language to help you stand your ground. Here are a few examples of some responses you could practice with your family to help communicate your boundaries:
- If someone yells at you: “I will not continue this conversation if you raise your voice at me.”
- If you’re interrupted: “Please let me finish speaking before you respond.”
- If your choices are criticized: “I appreciate your concern, but this is the decision I’ve made.”
- If you’re excluded: “I notice I’m being left out and I would like to be included.”
- If your privacy is invaded: “I need you to respect my personal space.”
- If you’re being emotionally manipulated: “I won’t engage when guilt or blame is used to control me.”
Follow through with consequences
Setting boundaries is only effective if you follow through with consequences when they’re crossed. For example, if you say you won’t continue a conversation if your family member continues to raise their voice, walk away from the conversation if they continue to yell.
It might feel uncomfortable, especially with family. However, without enforcement, your boundaries will likely continue to be tested. Remember that setting and enforcing your boundaries is an act of self-respect, not punishment for the other person.
Reduce contact if needed
Sometimes, the healthiest choice for you is to reduce contact with your family bully or stop being involved with them altogether, at least temporarily. It’s okay to prioritize your own well-being and create space from broken family dynamics that are causing you harm.
Healing From the Effects of Family Bullying
Healing from family bullying is a process that takes time, patience, and resilience. There are a variety of ways and processes to heal from family bullying. Some include:
Rebuild your sense of self-worth
Rebuilding your sense of self-worth requires challenging and reframing the negative messages you’ve internalized from bullying. Positive affirmations and self-validation can help remind you of your strengths and value, creating a kinder, more supportive inner voice.
Process grief and anger safely
It’s normal to feel grief and anger when you’re coming to terms with painful family dynamics. Allow yourself to experience these emotions without judgment and find safe ways to express them, such as journaling for your mental health, talking to a trusted friend or family member, or a licensed therapist.
Learn to identify safe vs. unsafe dynamics
Part of healing is learning to recognize what a healthy relationship looks like. When you know what a safe relationship dynamic looks like, it’s easier to trust your gut instinct and identify red flags in your future relationships.
Reconnect with joy and agency
Healing also means rediscovering what brings you joy and a sense of control in your life. Seek out activities, friendships, and environments that uplift you.
“Healing from emotional trauma from family members takes time, but it is possible. Working with a licensed mental health professional provides opportunities to explore what happened in a safe way, while also beginning to heal from the impact of the trauma. Being able to have a safe space allows you to take the time needed to rebuild your sense of who you are in this world and process the wide range of thoughts and feelings about what has gone on over time. Throughout this process, the goal is for emotional and mental healing while having compassion for yourself as you rebuild your identity.”
– Talkspace therapist Jill Daino, LCSW-R, BC-TMH
When To Seek Outside Help
You don’t have to wait until you feel overwhelmed to seek help. There are many different support groups or online communities for people with toxic or abusive family experiences, whether it’s manipulative parents or toxic siblings.
“Reaching out for help and support is a sign of strength, and at the same time, it can be challenging to take that first step. There are many reasons people hesitate to seek therapy. For example, they might be worried that it will stir the pot of painful memories and feelings, or they think they are betraying their family by speaking “badly” about them, or perhaps they think they should simply be able to handle it all on their own. Whatever the reason for hesitating, it is crucial to know that speaking with a licensed mental health professional is an opportunity to receive support in a safe environment while also learning skills and strategies to manage symptoms, communication challenges, and relationship challenges, among many other things.”
– Talkspace therapist Jill Daino, LCSW-R, BC-TMH
Break the Cycle With Support From Talkspace
You don’t have to continue the cycle of pain from family bullying. Healing is possible. Talkspace offers licensed therapists who specialize in family dynamics, trauma, and boundary-setting.
With Talkspace, you get flexible, judgment-free support that fits into your everyday life. This can be especially helpful for those navigating complex family dynamics in silence. Taking the first step to healing can open the door to stronger, healthier connections within and outside of your family. Whether you’re dealing with parental struggles or issues with your own children, discover online therapy for family dynamics today.
Sources:
- Brett H, Jones Bartoli A, Smith PK. Sibling bullying during childhood: A scoping review. Aggression and Violent Behavior. 2023;72,101862. https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S1359178923000496
- Cvancara K, Kaal E, Pörhölä M, Torres MB. Sibling bullying reported by emerging adults: Profiling the prevalence, roles, and forms in a cross-country investigation. Acta Psychol (Amst). 2024;247:104310. doi:10.1016/j.actpsy.2024.104310 https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0001691824001872
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