Having a cordial relationship with one’s Ex can be complicated, particularly in cases when the partnership has had a bitter ending. In most cases, one out of the two parties (if not both) refrain from maintaining any relationship with the other. This could happen for various reasons – out of spite, the fear of going through the pain of separation again, harboring old feelings, etc.
In an instance where two individuals have gone through a divorce, the process is mainly strenuous as it may involve familial ties such as co-parenting. It is important to keep in mind that the Ex is also the parent of your children and this will remain unchangeable. Ellsworth describes co-parenting as a child-centered decision, even when the parents are not on good terms, they are still on the same team and must cooperate in order to benefit their child/children. For this to work, there has to be some effective communication, cooperation, adjustment, and the ability to move on from the past.
This can be achieved by:
Mutual understanding of responsibilities and allowing each other to express their personal parenting style.
Collaborating in ways that are respectful, just, and peaceful. This might seem easier said than done but doing so will help you think clearer and focus on things that matter. Additionally, it will present a moral example for your child/children.
Avoid asking personal questions as it simply is not your business anymore.
Similarly, refrain from sharing your personal life with them and when asked questions about it, do not hesitate to turn them down politely.
Lastly, try to be workable and reachable when it comes to adjusting schedules for your child/children as it makes it easier to maintain a long-term cordial relationship.
It helps to get a support network in a time when it gets harder. It helps in keeping you grounded and sticking to important goals. This can be achieved by reaching out to a close friend who can give an unbiased opinion, a community leader you trust or joining online support groups where you can find people in similar situations.
Importance of Professional Counseling: A friend or family member may listen to you, but they aren’t professionally, technically qualified or experienced to offer you professional advice. If you wish you can contact us at MindTribe to receive help from our team of expert psychologists.
About MindTribe.in.
MindTribe Founder Dr. Prerna Kohli, India’s eminent psychologist, established the company to leverage the strength of the online to make counseling affordable and accessible to everyone. MindTribe provides counseling, workshops, support groups, forums, and eLearning.
About the Author.
Samina Bootwala is a psychologist at MindTribe.in. You can learn more about her by clicking here
Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of MindTribe.in, the Founders, or management team.
Acknowledgement: All images used are open source and from Unsplash.