Getting your first period can come with a lot of conflicting feelings, from confusion and fear to excitement or relief. Knowing what to expect — as much as is possible — is one thing that can make your child’s first period much less scary. That means having the period talk with your daughter or child before they have their first period, and making sure all their main questions get answered so they go in feeling confident and prepared.
… Easier said than done, right? If you don’t talk health and puberty with your kids all the time (or even if you do), the first period talk can be awkward. But it’s also a crucial opportunity to help your child understand their body and all the changes they’ll soon be going through, so when their first period does come, they’re not left in the dark.
So what exactly should you go over in the first period talk? We asked the experts so you know where to start, what points to hit, and how to make sure your child knows the door is open for questions and further conversation.
When Should You Have the First Period Talk?
There’s no hard-and-fast rule for when you should talk to your child about their first period, but ideally you want to have the conversation before they start menstruating. With that in mind, “the average age for a girl to start her period in the US is around 12 years old, but it can range from 10-15,” says Gil Weiss, MD, an OB/GYN at The Association for Women’s Health Care and and assistant professor of clinical medicine in the department of obstetrics and gynecology at Northwestern Memorial Hospital. (It’s worth noting, too, that periods are starting at earlier ages these days, especially for girls of color.)
He explains that periods usually begin around two years after breast development starts. A good rule of thumb? Start the conversation “around 9-10 years old, especially if you notice signs of physical change like breast development and growth spurts.”
How Do You Start the Conversation?
You know your child best, so have this conversation somewhere they’ll feel comfortable. “I would recommend starting the conversation in a private area, maybe set up a lunch or dinner date,” Kimberlee Coleman, MD, board-certified OB/GYN at Pediatrix Medical Group, tells SheKnows.
Start by saying you’d like to talk about some of the changes that your child will experience as they grow older, Dr. Coleman says. “First ask what she knows about body changes and periods,” she suggests. “Then ask if she has any questions about what she has heard or learned at school.”
You might also want to start with simple questions, Dr. Weiss adds, like “do you know what a period is?” And if you or your child is feeling a little embarrassed or awkward, it’s fine to acknowledge that, he says — and stress that it’s important to have this discussion anyways. You might say something like, “I know you feel weird talking about this, but it is important to me for us to talk about this…”
What To Say in the First Period Talk: 7 Things to Discuss
Both Dr. Weiss and Dr. Coleman recommended touching on a few key points during your child’s first period talk.
- Discuss the period basics. Explain what a period is, when it usually starts, and what to expect emotionally and physically. As Dr. Weiss says, there’s no need to get into tricky scientific terminology here. Keep it age-appropriate and simple enough for your child to understand.
- Explain different period products. This could include options like pads, tampons, period underwear, and menstrual cups or discs. You might even bring a few examples to show your child, Dr. Coleman suggests, and there are plenty of teen-specific period products to try as well. Talk them through the basics of how to use these products, especially the simpler options like pads, which will likely seem more approachable to your child early on. Make sure to touch on how often they should change these products: every few hours for pads, and every four to eight hours for tampons.
- Emphasize that periods are normal and not harmful. “Cycles are a sign of transition to another stage of life,” Dr. Coleman explains, something that all women experience. While it might sound scary at first (we’re talking about bleeding, after all!), make sure your child knows that this is a natural part of life and not a sign that something is wrong with them. That said…
- Explain that not all period symptoms are normal. Tell your child that if they feel weak during their cycle or experience severe pain or heavy bleeding (i.e. soaking a pad within an hour), they should let you know, and you’ll take them to see their pediatrician or OB/GYN. They should also talk to you if their period is late or irregular, although you should note that for their cycle may be irregular at first, but should regulate “within two years of onset,” Dr. Coleman says.
- Talk period hygiene. Let your child know that taking care of their body during their period is simple but important. Encourage them to wear lightweight, breathable clothing, keep their genital area clean by rinsing it with water, and use unscented toilet paper and period products. The CDC offers more tips on period hygiene they can refer to.
- Teach them how to track their period. There are plenty of period tracking apps they can use, though if you’re concerned about keeping their health data private, you can also encourage them to keep track on their Notes app or in a physical calendar. Whichever they choose, emphasize that tracking their period will help them notice any irregularities.
- Ask if they have any questions, concerns, or fears. They may or may not, but hold space for them to contribute to the conversation either way.
Make sure your child knows that this is an ongoing conversation, and that they can always come to you with more questions or concerns. Dr. Coleman recommends providing your child with more resources they can look into on their own (she suggests the American College of Obstetrics and Gynecology’s resource page), as well as an emergency kit to take to school in case her period starts when she’s away from home. This could include cleansing wipes, sanitary products, and a change of panties and clothes.
And while you don’t have to bring up sex, sexuality, and pregnancy prevention in the first period talk, Dr. Coleman recommends talking about it with your child after the onset of their cycle. “It’s important to allow for open and non-judgmental dialogue so that [the child] will feel comfortable coming to the parent with any concerns or questions,” she explains.
And that goes for everything we’ve covered. When it comes to periods, your child might know a lot or not much at all, but either way, it’s important to be there for them as a source of information and non-judgmental support. After all, your child’s cycle will be with them well into their adult life — you’re just getting them started on the right foot.