While the thought of talking about mental health with your parents might feel overwhelming, it’s a conversation that may end up being one of the most important ones you’ll ever have with them. Recent research shows that more than 4 out of every 10 teens feel persistent hopelessness or sadness, and almost a third are dealing with poor mental health. To say the topic of mental health struggles is relevant is a gross understatement, and although its sensitive nature can make going into the discussion scary, you can do this.
Learning how to talk to parents about mental health starts with preparing what you want to say and choosing the right time and place. Thinking in advance about possible different reactions can also help you navigate the course of the discussion about your mental health issue.
Whether you’re looking for mental health care resources, tips on how to tell your parents you’re depressed, or you want to know how to tell them you need their support, the strategies you’ll find here can guide you through the tough conversation. Read on to learn how to talk to your parents about mental health. Taking that leap can improve your relationship — all you need to do is find the courage to start opening up about your mental health concerns.
Prepare What You Want to Say
If you’re afraid you’ll struggle to find the right words at the moment, preparing in advance can be a good idea before you open up about your mental health problem. Take the time to gather your thoughts about your mental health concerns before you go into the conversation. You might even want to write down key points that highlight what and how you’re feeling. An outline will help keep the discussion about your mental health issue clear, focused, and on track.
As you think about what you want to say, consider describing:
How you’ve been feeling
How long you’ve been feeling this way
The impact your thoughts and emotions have had on your daily life and relationships
How your parents can help
What you need most from them
“Feeling emotional is completely normal, especially when we want to share something that may make us feel vulnerable. Take a minute to collect your thoughts and garner your breath to express what you have been feeling clearly.”
– Talkspace therapist Elizabeth Keohan, LCSW-C
Choose the Right Time & Place
Before having any noteworthy discussion on your mental health struggles, choosing the appropriate time and place is key. Choosing somewhere quiet and free from distraction will ensure you can express yourself without interruptions. If possible, try to avoid high-stress times or environments.
Make sure you allot enough time to have a thorough and thoughtful discussion. When both you and your parents can reflect on your mental health problem and respond, you’ll be able to get the most out of the exchange.
Be Prepared for Different Reactions
If you’re nervous or afraid of your parents’ reaction, think about all the possible responses you might get. Some parents respond with empathy and understanding, while others may struggle with denial or discomfort. Approaching the conversation ready for any outcome means you’ll be more likely to keep your emotions level throughout, which can ultimately help keep the discussion productive.
If they react positively, it can be a significant step forward in your relationship. If their response isn’t what you were hoping for, remember that it’s in no way a reflection of your self-worth or how valid your feelings are.
Remember that some people just need time to process the information they receive. This can be especially true if the conversation challenges belief systems or expectations.
What to do if your parents don’t react well
If your parents don’t react well to what you’re telling them, give them time. They might need some space to understand what you’ve shared. If you need immediate help and your parents are either unable or unwilling to give it to you, make sure you seek out other support systems. Friends, other family members who are understanding, school counselors, and platforms that provide online therapy for teens can offer much-needed guidance.
If the dialogue becomes counterproductive or abusive at any point during the conversation, consider ending the conversation and getting space. If you have more you need to say, you might want to write a letter. This is an opportunity to express yourself clearly without risk of interruption or any negative reaction. Letters also allow parents to absorb what you’re saying at their own pace without feeling pressured to respond.
Be Open & Honest
Being open and honest is one of the most vital parts of any mental health conversation. Your vulnerability opens the door for a meaningful conversation where you can express yourself. The process can be cathartic for you and offer clarity for your parents as they try to understand what you’re going through.
Use “I” Statements to Express Yourself
You may have heard about “I” statements — they are powerful tools in any meaningful conversation. By changing statements to be “I” focused rather than “you” focused, you can speak from your perspective without placing blame. Studies show that “I” language can reduce defensive reactions, making conversations more productive with positive outcomes.
Examples of “I” statements include:
“I feel overwhelmed when…” instead of “When you [do this], you overwhelm and stress me out”
“I wish you knew that…” instead of “You always make me feel…”
“I would love for you to understand that…” instead of “You don’t understand…”
“Remember to focus and be clear about how you feel emotionally and what you may need. Using “I” statements when trying to express this honors what you feel and what you may need without leaving any room for indifference or blame. If you are given the opportunity, it’s a great chance for your parents to listen and pause just for you.”
– Talkspace therapist Elizabeth Keohan, LCSW-C
Share How Your Parents Can Help & Support You
One of the most beneficial things you can get out of a conversation with your parents about mental health is support, but that can be difficult if you don’t clearly articulate what you need. Be transparent with how your parents can help you.
Listening without judgment: Do you need them to listen without judgment? Share that — they may not even know or realize that you feel judged by them.
Emotional support over solutions: Do you need emotional support rather than solutions? Let them know that, too — sometimes parents think their job is to “fix” things since that’s what they’ve done for such a long time. Sometimes, all it takes is sharing that you need your parents to be there for you.
Need for boundaries: Do you feel like your relationship needs more boundaries? Be open about the fact that you feel like your boundaries haven’t been respected — you might even share some boundaries you want to implement.
Seeking professional support: Are you at a point where professional help seems necessary? Discuss the possibility of getting a therapist for teens, emphasizing how it could be a step towards better mental health. If you’re not sure how to approach the conversation, learn how to tell your parents you need therapy with our guide.
If you think your relationship would benefit from having an impartial party or a mental health professional who can help facilitate your discussions, you might suggest therapy to your parents. Think of a therapist as a guide who sees both perspectives and lets you see each other’s needs. Therapists can also be instrumental in mental health care by helping you set boundaries with parents and healthy expectations so neither side feels disappointment or disrespect.
“Those closest to us often want to dive in and help too soon, and sometimes, it doesn’t leave space or room for what is really weighing on you. Therapy truly honors the need for space and perspective without judgment, and when you’re trying to work things out, room to express can be a huge relief.”
– Talkspace therapist Elizabeth Keohan, LCSW-C
Get Help from Mental Health Professionals
Talking to your parents about mental health can be hard, but it can also be a significant turning point in your relationship. There’s a good chance they have no idea what you’re going through. Whether you need help figuring out how to tell your parents you have anxiety, or you’re struggling with depression, or you have any other mental health concerns you want to share, help is available.
Talkspace is an online therapy platform that makes getting help easy and convenient for teens. A therapist can offer a safe space for you to explore your feelings and come up with a plan on how to share your needs with your parents effectively and productively. Various types of therapy for teens teach coping methods and strategies that can help you start the conversation. It’s a bold step — but learning how to talk to parents about mental health can be easier when you have an experienced therapist for teenagers by your side.
To get started, set up a consultation with a Talkspace therapist. You’ll get insights into what to expect on your journey toward better mental health and a better relationship with your parents.
Sources:
1. Mental health. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. December 6, 2023. Accessed January 29, 2024. https://www.cdc.gov/healthyyouth/mental-health/index.htm.
2. Rogers SL, Howieson J, Neame C. I understand you feel that way, but I feel this way: The benefits of I-language and communicating perspective during conflict. PeerJ. 2018;6. doi:10.7717/peerj.4831. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5961625/. Accessed January 29, 2024.
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