Recognizing & Overcoming Internalized Ableism

It’s essential to know that internalized ableism isn’t a personal failure. It’s a natural reaction to being in a society that equates worth to health and ability. It’s also important to understand that once you recognize ableist views, there are actionable steps you can take to unlearn them so you can start to embrace disability pride in your own life.

Common Signs of Internalized Ableism

You may not notice when internalized ableism has started to creep into your thoughts or influence how you behave. It can be as subtle as a quiet voice in your head, making you second-guess your abilities. Or, it can be more obvious, like feeling embarrassed or ashamed about needing accommodations.

Knowing and understanding ableist tendencies is the first step in overcoming their harmful impact on life and relationships. Here are several signs of internalized ableism.

Feeling like a burdens

Living with a disability often means you need assistance in various aspects of your life. Whether it’s with daily tasks, transportation, or mobility, asking for help isn’t something to feel bad about. Yet, you might feel selfish, worry that it seems like you’re seeking attention, or fear that you need too much or are inconveniencing others. Even when your requests are reasonable, internalized ableism can make you feel like you’re a burden.

Downplaying or hiding your disability

It’s not uncommon to hide or downplay a disability. You might avoid using a mobility aid like a cane, hide the pain you’re in, or pretend you’re not struggling with fatigue.

Trying to “blend in” so others don’t see you as different can be a form of self-protection. Over time, though, it’s exhausting and reinforces an internal dialogue that you’re not good enough or worthy (which is untrue).

Measuring self-worth by productivity

We live in a society that measures worth through output. A mindset like this can be especially harmful when you live with a disability. Tying your value to how much you can do—at work, school, or in social situations—while disregarding your needs for accessibility or rest will almost always backfire.

You shouldn’t feel guilty about needing help or downtime. Pushing yourself to keep up with the people around you is unreasonable and unfair.

Comparing yourself to “more deserving” disabled people

It’s easy to compare yourself to others. When you’re living with a disability, it might feel like you need to prove you’re disabled “enough.” This can be even more true if you have a disability that’s not obvious or visible to others.

Don’t downplay your needs by convincing yourself that other people are worse off and, therefore, more deserving of help. Comparisons like this make it difficult to advocate for yourself. They can also exacerbate feelings of shame and inadequacy.

Resisting identity-based labels

Hesitating to use words like “disabled” or “neurodivergent” out of fear of being judged is understandable. You might want to use less direct terms or try to avoid discussing your disability altogether. Internalizing shame like this isn’t healthy, though. While labels can feel heavy or unfair, especially since they’re often stigmatized by society, embracing them can be empowering and help you work towards self-acceptance.

“Internalized ableism can really mess with your mental health. When you start believing all the negative stuff society says about disabilities, it can make you doubt yourself, ashamed, anxious, or even depressed.”

– Talkspace therapist Famous Erwin LMHC, LPC

Where Internalized Ableism Comes From

Internalized ableism happens slowly, over time, and is shaped by the world around you and society’s views on living with disabilities. Discrimination and bias against disabled people are, unfortunately, deeply ingrained in our world. From media to culture to institutions, ableism shows up due to the belief that value comes from health, ability, and independence.

• Cultural messages and media representation: When you grow up without representation or accommodations, you might start to internalize harmful norms without even realizing you’re doing it. Maybe you didn’t see people who look, sound, or act like you on TV or in movies, books, or leadership roles.
• Lack of institutional support: Your school or work environment might not have the support you need or respond to your requests for aid in adequate ways.
• Social and family influences: Perhaps your family, friends, and social circles encouraged you to “just get over” your disability instead of helping you embrace it.
• The pressure to overcome: You might have heard well-meaning intentions like, “Don’t let your disability stop you from doing anything you want.” The problem with this is that it reinforces the idea that your capabilities should be conquered, not accepted. The more you believe this though, the more likely it is that you’ll adopt ableist beliefs.

How to Overcome Internalized Ableism

It can be difficult, but unlearning internalized ableism is possible. It will take time, dedication, self-compassion, patience, and community, but you can do it. Every step you take toward accepting your authentic self will help you overcome these thoughts.

Here are some simple ways to change your mindset and discover value in your abilities.

Validate your lived experience

Remember, your needs are valid. Accessibility isn’t negotiable. If you’ve been told you’re too sensitive or that things “just aren’t that bad,” remember that your experience is real and should be acknowledged.

Engage with the disabled community

You are not alone on this journey. Seek community and connect with others who understand your perspective and experience. The support of people who know where you’re coming from can be incredibly healing and give you a new perspective on your life.

Follow creators, advocates, and influencers you admire on social media. Seek online content or media created by and for people with disabilities. Join support groups or attend community events.

Reclaim empowering language

Words matter, and feeling comfortable using labels—like disabled—with pride instead of shame can help you feel powerful. Let your language be a tool that affirms your life.

Take your time finding words and language you’re ready to embrace. Defining your identity isn’t always easy, but it’s something that will help you build confidence so you feel more comfortable in your own skin. It can be helpful to reflect on what you think about common labels. For example, are you more comfortable with “neurodivergent” or “disabled”?

Give yourself permission to sit with how you feel, without judgment, and then use words that honor your comfort level and lift you up. You can also take cues from the disabled voices you follow or admire. Notice how they talk about themselves, their disability, and their experiences.

Reframe independence and productivity

Just because you need help or rest doesn’t mean you aren’t strong, independent, or productive in life. It just means you know your limits and are able to honor them. Interdependence (relying on others and letting them depend on you) is a regular, healthy part of human nature. Remember that your value isn’t dependent on what you can or can’t do.

Remind yourself that self-care, such as rest, balance, and accessibility, are rights you deserve, not weaknesses you’re succumbing to. Everyone needs these things in life to ensure well-being, and you’re no different in that sense. Look into self-care ideas tailored to your needs to ensure you get the most out of your downtime.

Seek support through therapy or peer spaces

Therapy can help you identify, process, and understand what internalized ableism is. It’s also an effective way for you to develop self-compassion and start seeing how ableism is impacting your life. Likewise, peer-led groups can offer validation that comes from a shared understanding of your experiences.

“It’s important to find therapists who understand disability justice. This means they see disability as part of who you are, not something that needs to be fixed. Good therapists make you feel safe and respected for who you are. They help build trust and know that everyone needs help sometimes. Instead of just trying to fix problems, they support you in a way that helps you feel stronger and more confident.”

– Talkspace therapist Famous Erwin LMHC, LPC

Moving Forward with Pride

Unlearning internalized ableism isn’t easy, and it won’t happen overnight, but it can be done. Even if you’ve spent years hiding your true self, ignoring your needs, or downplaying your worth, change is possible. Every small step you take toward living a self-compassionate life is progress.

Your disability isn’t something you need to overcome. It’s something you can live with and have pride in, and you can find the self-respect you deserve. Disability pride means accepting who you are now. You can recognize and be proud of your strengths, and you can advocate for your needs without apology.

If you need support, Talkspace is here for you. We connect you with affirming mental health professionals who can help you navigate the unique challenges and strengths that come from living with a disability. Whether you’re trying to navigate internalized stigma or need help advocating for access, Talkspace can help you if you’re disabled or neurodivergent. We also offer online therapy covered by Medicare and accept most major insurance providers, so cost won’t prevent you from seeking care. Reach out today to learn more.