The Loneliness of Motherhood

Learning about the emotional complexities of motherhood, the factors that cause loneliness, and how to cope is helpful for moms trying to become the best version of themselves. Keep reading to learn more about why being a mom is lonely sometimes.

The Reality of Loneliness in Motherhood

Though it’s often depicted as a rewarding, fulfilling, and joyful time, the reality is far more complex for many moms. Every new mother experiences joy, perplexity, pain, anger, exhaustion, fear, and loneliness — and sometimes that’s all in the same day.

To truly understand, you must understand the main factors contributing to why motherhood is lonely for so many women. Only after you really look at how societal expectations and the loss of identity play into mom loneliness can you find a way to cope.

Societal expectations vs reality

The loss of pre-motherhood identity

Pre-motherhood identity can take decades to develop. A woman’s self-view is closely tied to her career, hobbies, social life, personal aspirations, or pre-parenting relationships. After the birth of a child, virtually everything in life changes to accommodate the new baby’s needs. To some extent, the transition is natural, but it can leave moms struggling to find a new sense of self.

Remember that as a mom, your mental and emotional well-being is paramount. The demands of parenting can make it challenging to find time for essential self-care, let alone time for activities, hobbies, or relationships that were once a significant part of your life. That said, it’s critical to make time for yourself. A loss of identity can deepen feelings of maternal loneliness, but prioritizing self-care will help you start to reconcile who you once were with who you are now.

“Becoming a mom is a big shift, depending on what kind of support you have or make time for. And even the most prepared mom cannot account for the nuances of growth and change in the child and themself. I encourage moms to grow with their children and commit to learning, shifting, and sometimes accepting discomfort in a new way, connecting with new supports or family members that offer natural joy and positivity to their lives to combat the isolation. Remember to make space for grace and allow yourself time to get adjusted.”

– Talkspace therapist Elizabeth Keohan, LCSW-C

Factors Contributing to Loneliness as a Mom

Even though most moms agree they’re never really alone, the emotional solitude and social isolation many experience can impact their mental well-being. Many factors contribute to loneliness in mothers, and understanding them will help you address and overcome your feelings.

Physical isolation

Many new moms experience physical isolation. A life that was once full of interaction with coworkers, family, friends, and partners is suddenly replaced with caring for a new baby at home.

The lack of opportunity for social interaction, the loss of a once-bustling life filled with companionship and social connection, and the limited opportunities for spontaneity can be lonely.

Emotional isolation

Being a mom can feel like you’re on a never-ending emotional rollercoaster. Yes, there’s immense love and moments of fulfillment, but there are also emotional challenges that many mothers are uncomfortable sharing. For them, it feels wrong not to love every minute of every day of motherhood, and there’s also the intense pressure for women to always seem like they’ve “got it together.”

Not feeling safe expressing one’s truth can cause fear, sadness, and a sense of overwhelm. For some moms, the growing emotional distance (even when surrounded by others) can be too much, and they carry their burdens alone, fearing judgment or becoming convinced that others won’t understand. This is one of the common challenges of motherhood many women face today.

Disconnection from your partner

Time that was once solely dedicated to each other is now split—and often consumed—by the exhausting task of caring for someone else. This can leave little time or energy for simple but important things—like meaningful conversations, emotional connection, or intimacy—and lead to loneliness and alienation from the one person who’s always supposed to be there.

Your social support has changed now that you’re a mom

Motherhood often alters friendships and social circles in unexpected ways. The changes in relationships can be especially stark if a mother’s circle of friends is at varying stages of life. People without children sometimes can’t understand the new demands placed on moms. Over time, invitations to social events and gatherings might dwindle. In general, most moms have less time for social activities after having a child than they did before.

Another common struggle for new moms is finding it hard to relate to pre-motherhood friends. Finally, there are logistical challenges, like childcare, time management, or even finding enough energy to socialize at all.

How to Cope with Loneliness as a Mom

Figuring out how to cope with loneliness in motherhood can be overwhelming, but it’s necessary. Finding the right coping techniques can make the challenges of motherhood — especially loneliness — a little bit more bearable. Taking small steps toward focusing on well-being, emotional stability, and fulfillment can help alleviate feelings of isolation and foster meaningful connections.

Join a mom’s group

Mom’s groups are excellent outlets for connecting with others who understand exactly what you’re going through. Support groups provide a positive, safe space to voice your struggles and find meaningful companionship. Whether it’s an organized playdate, a breastfeeding support group, or a local community meetup, mom’s groups encourage bonding through shared experiences that can be vital to well-being.

Schedule regular social time

Making time for social interaction can be difficult, but moms must do it. Make it a point to begin scheduling regular social outings to feel more connected with others. It can be as simple as meeting a friend for coffee or going for a walk in the park. Even brief moments of socialization can be a reprieve from mundane days and schedules.

Talk to a therapist

Sometimes, loneliness can become so overwhelming that you might need professional support. Talking to a therapist can make a world of difference as you open up about your feelings and challenges in a non-judgmental environment. Therapy can teach you how to explore your loneliness, utilize coping skills, and move past the feelings holding you back. A good therapist will also help you identify and deal with underlying issues that may be contributing to your loneliness.

Communicate with your partner

Healthy communication is important in any relationship, but the stakes are even higher for parents. Open communication is key to building a strong foundation as parents so you can overcome mom loneliness. Discussing your feelings will help you reconnect and rebuild your relationship.

“It can become easy to overlook the relationship that laid the foundation for building a family. And when things get busy, we forget to make time for each other. Practice asking for what you need clearly rather than expecting your partner to read your mind. In a growing family, assuming that someone, even if close, should know what you need is never safe unless you effectively articulate it meaningfully.”

– Talkspace therapist Elizabeth Keohan, LCSW-C

Connect online

Online communities can be excellent sources of support for moms. Virtual mom groups, forums, and social media can be opportunities to share your concerns and experiences while seeking advice, support, and companionship.

Plan outings

Getting out of the house will break up the routine if you’re in a cycle of isolation. Go to a museum, meet a friend or another mom at a park, go for a walk, or do anything that offers a change of scenery and allows you to engage with others. Outings can be valuable chunks of time and an opportunity to connect with others for a mental boost.

Keep a journal

Journaling is a powerful tool for processing confusing or difficult emotions, reflecting on your experiences, and identifying unhealthy or unhelpful patterns or triggers that contribute to loneliness.

Writing about loneliness in motherhood can be a therapeutic release that helps you let go of pent-up emotions — like resenting a partner because they “get” to escape to work every day or have more opportunities to socialize with friends.

Journaling can help you track growth, too, so you can recognize positive moments on your journey and find gratitude to replace some of your loneliness.

Create a routine

The Importance of Addressing Loneliness in Motherhood

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