Transitioning Later in Life: A Helpful Guide for Embracing Your True Self

You might have delayed self-exploration because you were focused on other responsibilities or on your family, faith, or culture in your younger years. You may have found it hard to come out to homophobic parents, been concerned about what society thinks, or worried about your personal safety. Maybe you’ve been searching for a role model.

Gender journeys are nonlinear. There’s no one or “right” way to go through the process. You’re not a “late bloomer” even if you’ve felt uncertain about your gender and identity. Think of people like Caitlyn Jenner, Joy Ladin, and Miss Major Griffin-Gracy. Everyone’s journey with gender is unique.  

“Things change in life, and we continue to grow and evolve. It does not matter when you decide to transition because it’s never too late to live as your true, authentic self. Sure, it may feel awkward at first, but living and being your true, authentic self will eventually take over and help create a certain peace that cannot be obtained by continuing to be someone you are not.”

– Talkspace therapist Reshawna Chapple, PhD, LCSW

Common emotional questions you may ask yourself

It’s perfectly normal (and okay) to feel emotional or question your experience. You might be confused or conflicted about the range of emotions you’re having. If you FTM or MTF transition late in life, you may have thoughts like:

• Is it really okay that I’m doing this now?: Your journey and timeline are yours alone. If what you’re doing feels authentic, then you’re on the right path.
• Why didn’t I realize and act sooner?: There are countless reasons why you might have waited until now. Safety, social stigmas, family, work, and lack of self-confidence are all possible reasons, and they don’t make your truth any less real or honest. 
• Am I going to lose people in my life or be rejected?: This is a common and very real fear that so many people have. Even if you’re afraid of rejection, you deserve support. Surround yourself with people who affirm you and your life. 
• Will I one day mourn the time I spent hiding and questioning myself?: Grief for “lost time” is not uncommon when transitioning later in life​. You might feel sorrow about the time you didn’t feel authentic. It’s important to remember that you’re committed to being yourself now, and that’s powerful. 
• Can I find love, friendship, and community now?: When transitioning later in life, you can find deep connections and help through various support networks. If you need immediate help, try online communities, where you’ll be welcomed and supported.  
• Why do I feel like I’m grieving?: It’s normal to feel like you’ve lost something from your former life. What you’re feeling is understandable. Even if it’s hard to see now, choosing to be yourself takes real strength.

“It is important to remember that you and others have thought about your identity in one context, so transitioning to a different gender will be difficult for some people in your life. You may have adult children, a partner, or long-term friends and family members who know you as a person living in one context. The transition will take time to accept and understand. This might cause internal feelings of guilt and shame. It’s important to be patient with yourself—expressing your new identity matters deeply, even if it feels intense at times. Many people make changes in how they live or identify, and with time, others usually adjust.”

– Talkspace therapist Reshawna Chapple, PhD, LCSW

Practical Considerations for Transitioning as an Adult

Whether you’re MTF or FTM transitioning later in life​, there are things to consider that can help you navigate the process. 

Navigating medical transition later in life

Your doctor can help you understand and evaluate the health considerations you should be aware of during medical transition. 

Financial and insurance considerations

Legal name and gender marker changes

Considerations for workplace disclosure and retirement planning

Note: If you’re close to retiring, consider how your insurance, pension, and Social Security might be affected. 

How to Support Someone Who is Transitioning Later in Life

If someone you love has started their journey transitioning later in life and you want to help, there are small but impactful things you can do. Offer them respect and be a safe space for them. Your time and willingness to listen can make such a difference in their journey. Your support shows them they’re valued for who they are. 

Ways to support someone who’s transitioning later in life:

Tips for Coming Out to Your Loved Ones

Start with the people most likely to support you

While there aren’t rules about your transition, you might find it easier to start the process with friends and family members you trust. This helps you build an initial support system that you can fall back on if future conversations are difficult.

Prepare what you want to say ahead of time

If you find conversations challenging, consider journaling or practice expressing your thoughts out loud on your own. This can help you clarify what you want to share and can reduce anxiety before you have tough conversations.

Give loved ones time to process

Even if people in your life accept and support you, change can be difficult at first. Make sure you’re providing space for honest conversations, and try to give people the time they need to process the information you’ve shared with them.

“Unfortunately for us in society, people will always react when they feel uncomfortable or are afraid. In these types of situations, our loved ones sometimes may treat us the worst because in their mind, we are who we were before the transition period. This is where a therapist can help you process your feelings and develop the most appropriate responses to your loved ones. Remember, it is most important for you to live for yourself and not others. This could be one of the reasons why it took so long for you to transition.” 

– Talkspace therapist Reshawna Chapple, PhD, LCSW

Don’t feel pressured to come out to everyone

You have complete control over who knows your truth and when you choose to share. There’s no rule about having to come out to everybody all at once. If you’re not ready to share personal information with every acquaintance, friend, family member, or coworker, that’s your decision. 

While most people should understand this, it’s still a good idea to let people know if you’re not telling everyone right now. It’s okay to tell people you appreciate their confidence.

Offer resources to help them understand

Navigating Your Transition with Support

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