We all have that one friend who always has to be one scale upper than you. Such people have a one-upper personality. It’s funny how some people just can’t take it that they have done a little less than the other.
One-uppers are constantly trying to be either more miserable or happier or fit or more everything than the other. Even in random conversations that we have in the cafeteria or in a party about the silliest of things, one uppers have to be a notch higher than you.
Let’s understand one upper personality better…
Characteristics Of A One Upper
One upper is a type of toxic personality which makes someone always want to feel superior in all forms. Even in misery they want people to believe that they are more miserable. One uppers look like everything is a competition for them and no one else can win.
I understand that some people want to feel superior, that’s why they are very loud about their success but one uppers just want an upper hand in every damn thing. Here are some characteristics that belong to a one upper:
Enjoy making other people feel like their achievements are less
They will always keep themselves a higher than you
They hate to feel like they are less than anyone less
They will attempt to top anything you say
They will make you feel like they see/done/seen everything before you have
One uppers are big time braggers, they will brag about anything at all
They can’t hurt their egos by swallowing their pride
Also Read: Grey Rock Method: The New Way Of Shutting Toxic People
Trust me, one uppers are easily identifiable! If you have a terrible boss, they have twice as terrible a boss than you. And if you work in the same office, the boss gives them more trouble than you. I know you already have a name in your head!
What Is The Psychology Behind One Upping Someone?
It irritates me to the core when one uppers show up with their obvious response to each of my statements. If I break a bone they happen to break two bones a month ago! And somehow there are more painful and tragic stories about it too.
I would always wonder WHY anyone does that. What do they get out of it? These questions accompanied by a lot of frustration and angst for one uppers, lead me to do some searching. Here’s what I found out….
One uppers have low self-esteem. That’s why they feel like they have to constantly remind others how good, happy, etc. they are.
One uppers do it to calm down the fire of jealousy than burning inside of them
They fear being insignificant, therefore they pull these tricks to sound significant
Some people one up others only because they have a slight bit of the quality of a sadist. They enjoy when others feel like they are smaller than the one upper.
Also Read: How To Deal With Jealousy In A Relationship?
How To Deal With One Upper Friend?
I have had quite a few friends who belonged to the one upper personality. Earlier I had no idea how to deal with such people. When I was young I was highly affected by what other people would say and really started to believe that I’m less than them.
Only after a few years of feeling miserable it struck me that they were just trying to be a notch higher than me. To save all the years i wasted, here are a few ways you can shut down a one upper:
Understand their motive: one uppers often struggle with low self-esteem and that’s why they think it’s necessary for them to compete and win at all cost.
Expect their response: once you begin to expect their one upping response, it’ll stop bothering you. You know your worth, let them be. Let’s be a little empathetic since they are suffering too
Do not compete further: they are big time braggers, there is no point competing with them because true or false their achievements are always going to be higher than you. Focus on yourself and let them be on their own trip.
Stay away from them: if their behavior is getting to your nerves, it’s best to distance yourself from them. One uppers tend to make you feel less so stay away from them for your sanity.
Set boundaries: setting boundaries is anyway a good thing. Set some limits and boundaries between you and the one upper and let them know. You don’t enter theirs and they don’t enter yours.
One upping someone time and again is not good. If you are a one upper, invest your energy in rebuilding your self-esteem and get rid of irrational fears. One uppers can really kill the vibe in all scenarios, so it’s better to handle them properly, with empathy and assertiveness together.
I hope you found this article interesting. Do comment and let us know about your experience with a one upper and how did you deal with them? Make sure you don’t encourage one upping each other!
Thanks for reading.
Take care and stay safe.
The post Who Is A One-Upper? How To Shut Them Down appeared first on Calm Sage – Your Guide to Mental and Emotional Well-being.